SURREY DARTS

OCTOBER 2004 - by Martin Cullip 

Young, Gifted & BACK!

Welcome to the Surrey Column, soon to be renamed the Nostalgia page judging from the number of times we have kicked back, poured a Horlicks & remembered times gone by on these pages – and this month is no exception.

So why the journey through the time tunnel this month? Well, it’s to prove that there are some things that are just too good to allow to be left in the past. A topical example is that old classic snack, Golden Wonder ‘Ringos’.

“No ring goes like a Ringo goes” was a well-known advertising slogan back in the late 70’s & early 80’s, and the product to which it referred was an integral part of my school lunchbox until it quietly faded into obscurity. However, to some, the pungent ring-shaped crisp was sorely missed & a campaign has been undertaken to force Golden Wonder to begin selling them again. So determined are the Pro-Ringo lobby that they even have a web-site at www.bringbackringos.co.uk – you don’t believe me? Just type it into your browser & see.

It’s been a successful campaign too, as, from August; Ringos are back on our supermarket shelves & are bringing their circular delights to a whole new generation of young munchers.

It seems Surrey darts have some characters as determined as the anonymous ‘Ringo Guerillas’ in Julie Hopkins & Carl Ramsey, as throughout the summer, they have persuaded, cajoled, charmed & badgered for backing for a Surrey Youth side, which had folded through lack of support a few years ago. It was a shame that the system that brought through such players as Dave Askew & Peter Manley amongst many others, should be left to die, but the belief & persistence of Julie, Carl & the team ensured that the resurrected Youth squad were able to take the stage for their first match of the season on the 26th September.

And much to the credit of the players & officials, they beat Glamorgan, a county with a strong darts tradition, by 9 points to 8!

Surrey Senior A player Anthony Hopkins (23.86), still incredibly in the under 18 category, led the way with a Man of the Match performance in the boys under 18’s, whilst Chris Forbes (22.27) also staked his claim to be a name for the future. More points in a 6-3 win for the section came from Dave Crook (19.27) & Rob Cross (18.56), with Darryl Pilgrim & Martin Byrne providing the other successes.

The girls narrowly lost 1-2, with Surrey’s point coming from Charlotte Lee (16.49), and the boys under 21’s were also on the wrong end of a one point defeat, as Lee Smyth (20.88) & Trevor Nash (20.45) picked up the victories in a 2-3 reverse. Disappointing for the older lads, but they just did enough to ensure that the day ended in success for the newly re-formed squad.

It’s a great feeling to have a Surrey Youth team again & as the side prepares for their next game at Berkshire on the 17th October, it’s clear that the County wasn’t complete without it. Let’s wish the same success for the return of the Ringo. In fact, considering the similarities between both entities, perhaps someone should give Golden Wonder a call about sponsorship … “The Surrey Golden Wonders” – hmmm, it’s got a nice ‘ring’ to it! (groan)

Surrey Sink in Lincs

In marked contrast to the success of our youngsters, the Senior squad suffered a severe hammering at the hands of Lincolnshire in the first fixture of the 2004/5 Kaliber Inter-County season.

After one match, Surrey lie stranded at the foot of the Division 1 table after a shocking 28-8 defeat! Yes, that’s right! 28-8. I haven’t yet found a Surrey player or supporter who can remember such a devastating loss as this, and it will be a long hard struggle to ensure safety in this division after such a poor start.

The Ladies B were 4-0 down before Lady of the Match Lucy Johnson (19.96) recorded Surrey’s first point of the season, quickly followed by Jane Johnson (average censored) making the score respectable with Surrey’s second success.

However, it just got worse as the Mens B were comprehensively thrashed 10-2, with only Anthony Hopkins (22.33) & Dave Norton (19.47) able to add points to Surrey’s meagre tally.

The gloom continued on the Sunday, with the Ladies A (shorn of many of last year’s heroic team) going down 1-5 to their hosts. Billie Auzins (17.22) was the only success, ensuring that at least there would be someone eligible for a Lady of the Match award.

The Mens A couldn’t do much better either, with Steve Lovett (28.20) (pictured right) providing the only real quality Surrey display of the weekend. Wins from Carl Ramsey (21.00) & Garry Bravery (24.04) helped a little, but another heavy 3-9 team defeat saw the squad make the long journey home in sombre mood.

There was an incident over the weekend in which Ladies A player Gill Shephard was returning to the car after visiting a garage forecourt shop, when she tripped whilst reaching for the car door & disappeared from the view of the occupants inside to the accompaniment of a loud thud as she slithered to the ground via the paintwork. Any more results like this one & Gill’s comic accident could sum up Surrey’s season … going down very quickly!

Alfie Turner’s Parrot Sketch

One player who can be easily excused for his performance in Lincolnshire is James Turner (known as Alfie by the Ladies teams for some strange reason), as he bizarrely played his match unaware of the fact that he had a broken dart arm!

As if this wasn’t strange enough, circumstances surrounding Alfie that weekend made for one of those “You couldn’t make it up” moments.

Mr Turner has been talked about on these pages before as he famously stripped down to a Superman thong during the Hotel karaoke on an away trip last year, and no doubt spurred on by such infamy, he invested in an Ann Summers creation for this match – a parrot posing pouch complete with realistic squawking sounds.
Quite why he chose to wear this apparel DURING the Saturday match in which he was competing is beyond me, but many at the venue were given a sample of the squawking noise as, for dubious comedy effect, James regularly squeezed in the area of his crown jewels.

However, once the pain in his arm following his defeat became severe, he was taken to hospital, where an inspection by the nurse confirmed a break & he was informed he would need a pain-killing injection as they strapped the arm. The only problem for Alfie was … the injection had to be in his backside!

The distraught darter was forced to come clean about his comedy undergarments, but the nurse ensured him that she had seen it all before & he was not to worry. I have heard reports since that the nurse’s laughter as he dropped his trousers could apparently be heard as far away as Yorkshire!!

Obituary: Chrissy Collins

It’s sad to have to report the death of a great friend to Surrey darts, Chrissy Collins (nee Daniels), who died on Friday 8th October.

Chrissy was not only a talented player in her own right, but also a good servant to both the Surrey & Middlesex youth sides in the past.

Chrissy had been fighting a long illness, but did so without complaint & continued in her own inimitable good humour right to the end.

One of the great aspects of County darts is the friends you make on the way, and Chrissy was a very special person to many in our County. The thoughts of all those involved with Surrey go out to Chrissy’s family & friends, she will be greatly missed.