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Trans-Atlantic Antics, So Close To Desert Dreams

There’s a city that Elvis Presley once musically praised, as he warbled “Bright light city gonna set my soul, gonna set my soul on fire …”. He further described it as a place where the end result of your visit would be “bandits crashin’ all those hopes down the drain”. Now, although the latter quote could well refer to Croydon, fortunately the King was kind enough not to leave us guessing, as he named the song ‘Viva Las Vegas’. This not only served as a rather large clue, but also saved the World from ever believing his chart-topper may have been a tribute to Croydon’s attractions, namely the Whitgift shopping Centre, a railway station on the way to Gatwick, and most importantly, the bypass that thankfully speeds you through the middle of it and out the other side!

Of course, Croydon does have its merits (well, OK, not really), but Las Vegas, eh? Just the name evokes images of Tom Jones, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr, Oceans Eleven, and of course the Mafia who ran the whole ‘town’. The gambling oasis is a different place now though, since the mob was eased out by mega-corporations, all boasting hotels with the ground area of Hyde Park, every one of which is themed differently to bring the city visitor the experience of being in a giant Chessington World of Adventures but without the rain, albeit still with the spotty teenagers selling overpriced burgers.

THE mob may have vacated Vegas, but early July saw the Surrey ‘mob’ turn up for the PDC Las Vegas Classic and accompanying Pro Tour event. PDPA members Mark ‘Knuckles’ Tiller, Aaron ‘Sourface’ Turner & Ben ‘The Thong’ Burton flew over in pursuit of Order of Merit cash, but it was the duo of Richie ‘The Hair’ Blake & Grant ‘The Waste Collector’ Firmager that raised eyebrows as they rolled up in the town that doesn’t ‘do’ clocks. The two of them had chosen to travel to Nevada for their holiday, complete with a crate of Piz Buin and a couple of loud shirts each, in order to compete for Vegas TV glory before retiring to the tables to throw their hard-earned wonga at a roulette operator from Puerto Rico called Domingo.

And although the Surrey contingent all made their presence felt, it was Blake who came closest to a huge result as he made his way to the final match before the TV stages in the second Vegas Classic Qualifier. After putting out UK Open Finalist Gary Mawson 5-4, along with three other opponents against whom he collectively only dropped one leg, he was faced with a potential TV appearance if he could just overcome Kevin Painter. ‘The Artist’ had already beaten Richie 5-1 in the previous day’s qualifier, and sadly for the Morden man, the same scoreline denied a first round berth for the main event, which not only would have boosted his prize money of £200 into a guaranteed £2,400 but, as the draw turned out, would have seen him take on Phil Taylor on prime time Sky Sports TV. It was a real shame for Blake who was hoping for the extra cash to recoup the money Domingo had taken off him the night before due to Richie’s misplaced faith that number 31 was “bound to come in soon!”

Ben Burton had also shown some class in earning £100 in the second qualifier, beating the veteran Paul Lim on the way before losing to Dennis Smith who was destined to make the TV stages. Mark Tiller had come as close the day before, also taking £100 of PDC money for his efforts, after an impressive 5-3 beating of the accomplished Wayne Atwood opened up his draw and led, two opponents later, to his meeting eventual Quarter-Finalist Adrian Gray, with Mark unfortunately falling to a 5-2 defeat.

Biggest scalp of the trans-atlantic trip surely has to be attributed to Aaron Turner though, as he took out Colin Lloyd 5-4 in the Vegas Players Championship Pro Tour event that preceded the Classic proceedings. The previous round had seen Azza knocking out fellow Surrey player Ben Burton who would have loved to have had a crack at Jaws. It is to Big Ben’s ultimate credit that in a city with such a chequered history, Aaron didn’t wake up next morning to anything remotely resembling a severed horse’s head … or even worse, a naked Grant Firmager, if Ben had felt inclined to be REALLY spiteful.

Karioche Knight

It’s not only in the field of actually playing darts that Surrey personnel excel, but there are also very talented people in our county who have a great deal of expertise to contribute in many other areas relating to our great game (If only you could find someone to write well, eh? Editor).

The latest to step up to the oche, quite literally, is Richard Biggs of Fetcham, a rather clever chap from a very leafy area of green and pleasant Surrey, who seems to have come up with a solution for those wishing to recreate the pub experience of a raised oche without the need to hammer inch-wide bolts through your living room floorboards.

Having originally built the sort of oche, for his and his partner’s domestic practicing, that we have all encountered – heavy, wooden, and requiring a room the size of a Big Brother contestant’s ego to store it in, Richard put his thoughts, and his industrial training, into designing something more practical and which would not fight with the ironing board for the title of the household’s most inflexible item.

From initial plans in April 2007, Richard, with the help of his partner, Surrey Ladies player Jane Lewis (pictured left), has now perfected a perfect length portable raised oche, made of high impact plastic and reinforced with strategically placed metal spacers … and here’s the best bit … it can be dismantled in a matter of minutes and stored in the bit you kick! Bingo! The whole caboodle then fits neatly into a carry bag so is also ideal for taking to the hotel of your choosing for pre-competition practicing. Many players already use the popular freestanding Dart Mate for occasions where they wish to practice without the type of queues that would make Madame Tussauds blush (Surrey’s England International, Apylee Jones is one of them. I know this as I sold her mine when I kept missing it and hitting the cat). Therefore, Clever Di- …, err Richard is now designing an adaptor that will dovetail seamlessly with the Dart Mate for the complete ‘throw-on-the-go’.

Richard describes himself as a keen player of the game albeit with the equivalent darting prowess of a 28 handicap golfer, but with the ‘Karioche’, as his invention has been named, now fully patented and the web-site, www.karioche.com, already up and running and fulfilling mail orders, his lesser skill at throwing the arrows won’t bother him much as he might make a few bob instead. Plus, Jane’s (and every girl’s) prized possession, the ironing board, now has plenty of room to breathe … Hey! Who threw that! Was it something I said?

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