 SURREY
DARTS
by Martin Cullip
As
appearing in the June Issue of Dart World
For Whom the Buck Stops
The 2004/5 Kaliber Inter-County season drew to a close for Surrey
with a narrow 17-19 defeat at home to Buckinghamshire, and for the
new Managers of the Mens & Ladies teams, it was probably a welcome
relief after a first campaign at the helm for both Tony Cartwright
and Tania Blake. To paraphrase John Donne, when you’re in the Manager’s
position, “never send for whom the buck stops, for it stops with thee!”
and with widespread changes in the playing personnel, both can be
pleased that they competently handled the pressure of the buck stopping
with them right up to when the season stopped against Bucks!
Tania’s job of following the now-legendary Rita Higginson was made
all the more difficult after Surrey’s excellent Ladies A side of recent
years all but evaporated last summer, but the new faces that were
brought into the fray by Tania & her selection team have coped
admirably. Marie Barthrop, Charlie Lee, Lucy Johnson & Chris Kelly
have all had successful first seasons, the latter two of the four
now nestled firmly in the A side.
The Final match against Bucks saw a draw for the Ladies B & an
unlucky 2-4 reverse for the A, with respective match awards for Gill
Shephard (18.79) and, almost inevitably, for Surrey’s England international,
Apylee Jones (23.30), whose Inter-County stats are truly impressive,
resulting in her finishing 10th in the National rankings.
The situation with Surrey mens players leaving the Inter-County arena
was equally difficult, with no less than 15 players making their County
debuts during the campaign. However, Manager Cartwright seemed to
positively relish the challenge & has moulded a squad that competed
well & ensured that the County was safe from relegation before
the last fixture. Tony’s reaction to this situation was to ‘blood’
FOUR new players for the Bucks match, meaning that 10 of the 12 that
took to the stage in the Mens B clash had not figured at all the previous
season.
Carl Ramsey (28.58) took his third A team match award of the year
in a 6-6 draw with the Bucks side, whilst the B side also drew with
joint awards for Peter Arnold & Richard McLaughlin (26.84). If
you take into account the fact that Cartwright was also forced to
appoint a new team Captain in Jason Kelly after the County retirement
of the long-serving Gary Creamer, the performances of the ‘team that
Tony built’ have been hugely encouraging.
So, with the two new bosses having to jump through hoops for Surrey
throughout the season (sometimes using two and a half twists with
pike!), The Surrey Column, in the style of diving judges, hereby now
give the end of year scores for those ‘who must be obeyed’ based on
Style, Execution & Artistic Impression.
Tania Blake:
Style: While greeting players taking to the stage,
Tania can exude poise of which Swiss Finishing School Graduates would
be envious. Her handshakes are daintier than those of a 17th Century
debutante, whilst paradoxically her defence of her players can be
akin to a ravenous Rottweiler whose breakfast has been stolen by the
neighbourhood alley cat! Marks: 5.8
Execution: Firm but fair. Bravely & consistently
followed her instincts even when promoting Gill Shephard to the A
team against her will. That decision was later reversed, much to the
relief of “Shep”, who gave her a Blue Peter Badge. Marks: 5.9
Artistic Impression: Wore red well during the season
& also exhibited a varied array of shoes. Has been extremely imaginative
in persuading others to chalk on her behalf. Marks: 5.8
Tony Cartwright:
Style: His team talks are fast becoming legendary.
They generally include phrases such as “I’m lovin’ this!” and “You
know what you did last month? Well, do it again!”. A man of few words,
but those he chooses are more earthy than a newly-harvested spud.
Marks: 5.9
Execution: Has made difficult & unpopular decisions,
but sticks to them like chewing gum to a sofa. Complaints can be made,
but there’s more chance of winning the Monte Carlo Grand Prix in a
tractor than Tony changing his mind! Marks: 5.9
Artistic Impression: Paces around the foot of the
stage like a wounded tiger, but he’s a bit of a pussycat really. Wears
polo shirts a lot. Marks: 5.8
A great first showing from both Managers, let’s hope for more of
the same from September when, election permitting, the buck will once
again be firmly ensconced in their in-tray.
Picture Imperfect
You may have noticed that last month’s Surrey Column included a picture
of Jimmy Mann whilst there was no mention of Jimmy at all. It seems
that the paragraph in question went missing between being submitted
& arriving at the printers.
There are a couple of theories for this. Firstly, it has been suggested
that the report of Jimmy’s UK Open Sheffield Qualifier success has
been taken hostage by the terrorist organization, “The People’s Front
of Surbiton golf club”, who are still angry at what they see as Greenkeeper
Jimmy’s inappropriate placing of the flag on the 11th hole, which
resulted in their being knocked out of the “Daily Mail National Golf
Plate” (for first round losers), against bitter rivals East Tolworth.
They have apparently stated that the piece will not see the light
of day until Jimmy openly states that Tarquin ‘Piggy’ Fortescue’s
14 shots at infamous Par 4 were maliciously caused by Mann cutting
the hole at the top of an incline as he knew Piggy was rubbish at
putting uphill.
The other, admittedly unlikely, explanation is that it was an honest
mistake ... as if THAT is believable!
Whatever happened, it’s still worth mentioning that Jimmy Mann, as
a result of his superb Sheffield showing, qualified in third place
in the UK Open Order of Merit & will join the action with the
big names at the Reebok in June. We wish him the very best of luck.
It’s hard to imagine that Jimmy was playing local league just 3 years
ago, but has now followed the same path as Peter Manley, from North
Cheam to the top of the game. When he first joined the Super League,
it would have been as ridiculous as the idea of a team like Wigan
competing in the Premiership (What? They will be? You’re kidding!).
Ladies Up For The Cup
In a season in which there were more postponements than during a
snowbound weekend in the Scottish Highland Football League, the marathon
that is the Ladies Super League has finally come to a conclusion with
Croydon’s Clovers ending up victorious. So as was afforded to the
men, here are the player profiles of the team that will be representing
Surrey in the Champions Cup on 13th/14th August
Tania Blake: Surrey Team Manager who has a sharp
game but an even sharper tongue when riled. Treat with kid gloves
Chrissy Skehan: Recently stopped playing County
darts when her part-time money-making venture cultivating purple tulips
took off. Business is reported to be blooming!
Martine Russell: Known as ‘The Lady’ as she’s not
a bloke & has culture. Nothing but Milk Tray & Babycham for
this classy bird.
Lisa Munt: Ex-Surrey stalwart with an illustrious
County past. Has a bubbly personality because of too much imbibing
of gassy beverages.
Lucy Johnson: Is currently embarking on a pop career
after falling into a newly-dug grave whilst drunk (I’m not making
this up!). Her single “You’ll always find me in the Graveyard at Parties”
is released on June 10th and is available at all bad record shops.
Chris Kelly: New County recruit who positively bounces
on the oche … could be because she’s the long-lost daughter of Zebedee
from the Magic Roundabout.
Rita Higginson: Recently-retired Ladies County Team
manager. A top table legend for her ability to give a running commentary
during County matches that was audible from the car park!
Karen Tyne: Useful player to have in reserve, is
married to someone nicknamed ‘Dr Evil’. She thinks the nickname is
undeserved as he is NOT a doctor!
Clovers will join the Mens Champions, Walton Working Mens Club, at
the Regional Qualifiers. Both teams are packed with talent & well
capable of getting a favourable result, so God Speed from all those
involved with Surrey Darts.
*** For All the Up-To-Date Surrey News, Log On the www.toe-the-oche.co.uk
***
|
