SURREY DARTS

March 2005 - by Martin Cullip (appears in April Darts World) 

Walton Back to Happiness

If, as they say, “Revenge is a dish best served cold”, Walton Working Mens Club must have been hoping that the recent cold snap had hung around a little longer to greet their gleeful recapture of the Mens Surrey Super League crown!

It’s not often that Tim Stedman’s side lose out on the County’s Premier darts Title, but that’s what occurred last year as Ditton Football Club stepped out of the shadows to claim the accolade. However, in an ironic twist in the tale of this season’s campaign, Walton finally confirmed the reclamation of the Champions tag by beating last year’s winners in a re-arranged game at Ditton’s home venue.

The new Champions only required three points to ensure the Title this year & they completed the task in emphatic fashion by taking the first three pairs of the night to turn the evening into a bit of a party in their rivals’ back yard. The presence of the impressive League trophy shimmering in Ditton’s trophy cabinet must have only made the night more enjoyable for the Walton side, knowing as they did that it would soon be making the short journey back to the town in which it has resided since it was last wrestled from Stedman’s side in 1994.

When France was made to surrender during the Second World War, the conquered nation was humiliated into signing the documents in the very same disused railway carriage in which Germany had been made to sign the armistice that ended the Great War in 1918, and although the venue for Walton’s ultimate revenge wasn’t chosen by them, I’m sure the players would have enjoyed the retribution in equal measure.

Of course, the German glee in 1940 was short-lived & Ditton will be back with a renewed challenge next year, but for now, it is Walton’s moment, so here, in the customary Surrey Column manner, is a run-down of the players that will be contesting the Champions Cup this summer.

Tim Stedman: Fiercely competitive Player/Manager of the side who has been compared to Alex Ferguson in the past … not because of his tactics, it’s his wearied expression that prompts the comparison!

Ritchie Gardner: Sid Waddell’s favourite fast thrower. Throws very light darts but is a heavier frame these days!

John Watson: Hits straight tons with startling regularity. Rumour has it he built a barbecue for his neighbour as he was told there was a hundred in it for him.

Aaron Turner: Ex-Youth Champ now turning his thoughts to PDC Comps. Aaron was Elvis’ middle name & the name of Noah’s brother, but Turner doesn’t sing & has never built a boat.

Roy Turner: Aaron’s dad who has also never built a boat … does a mean Val Doonican karaoke though, allegedly.

Jason Kelly: Surrey County Captain & ex-army pin-up boy. Likes wearing tight shorts.

Roger Kitching: You always know gnome-like Roger’s around when you hear his catchphrase “Hahahahaha, yuk yuk yuk, chortle giggle guffaw”

Phil Wathen: Big man with a big reputation for winning big money events. Don’t play him for a tenner is my tip.

Graham Hollis: The most downloaded name on the Surrey darts web-site. His eyebrows are legendary; one was used as a prop in the Basil Brush show for years … as the tail!

Paul Hollis: Graham’s little brother, little being the operative word.

Steve Catt: Catt by name, pussycat by nature. Works in a timber yard, but hasn’t been felled by many players this year (groan!)

Dennis Wheeler: Perennial reserve who plays when the team are shorter than Roger Kitching sitting on a toadstool.

Congratulations to all & good luck in the summer. A Surrey Report end of season summary of the Super League teams will appear next month once the Final fixtures are completed at the end of March … bribes for a good write-up are willingly accepted.

Counting the Losses

After a defeat against Kent, Surrey would have been hoping for better with the matches away at Dorset & home to Middlesex, but despite differing performances, both occasions resulted in 21-15 victories for our opponents.

In Dorchester, the Mens sides managed to share the points with the Dorset men, with the Mens B winning 7-5 & the Mens A losing by the same scoreline, but unfortunately, the Ladies had a bit of a nightmare weekend as the B side could only muster a single point & the A struggled to one point more for a 2-4 loss.

Jane Johnson (15.57) was the only success on the Saturday & thereby the Lady of the Match by default, but Julie Austin (16.09) was equally surprised to win the Lady of the Match award in the A side after Apylee Jones (23.41) lost one of the best Ladies’ matches ever seen by our county in a superb battle with Caroline Carter (23.46). After 3 legs, both players were boasting 26+ averages & it was only last leg nerves that slashed their figures, especially for Apylee, who missed three darts at double top for the victory.

The Mens B saw a first ever Man of the Match award for Tom Eley (23.93) along with good games from Mike “Shrek” Vagg (23.27) & Andy “Bigfoot” Gillam (23.12), whilst a three game winning streak helped the A side avoid a heavy defeat. Jason Kelly (27.33) played a true Captain’s game for the Man of the Match, which inspired Roger Kitching (26.95) to fire in a 160 checkout to win his Final leg of five & Steve Lovett (27.17) followed up with another good display.

Surrey’s performance the following month whilst entertaining Middlesex was a vast improvement with 28 of the 34 players who played both games recording better averages, but the result was the same with the visitors putting in an excellent display.

This time it was the Mens B that was the weak link, losing 4-8 despite a Man of the Match game from Shrek (26.84) & an impressive debut win for Richard “Jugs” McLaughlin (24.91), so named as his ears were the inspiration for Concorde’s wings!

The Ladies fared better than the previous month, with a draw & a 2-4 defeat for the B & A respectively. Bus driver Marie Barthrop (17.08) kept the wheels of Surrey’s relegation battle turning with a best effort on the Saturday, whilst Apylee Jones (23.83) got back to winning ways in the A.

Faced with the daunting task of gaining a 9-3 win for the draw overall, the Mens A predictably came up short, but the quality of the match was evident throughout the afternoon & a 6-6 draw was a tremendous achievement in the face of a tenacious Middlesex assault. Jason Kelly (31.98) again took Man of the Match with the best figures of the weekend, whilst Steve Lovett (27.53) & Neville Wright (26.93) also enjoyed top drawer wins.

Surrey now occupy a precarious position just above the drop zone, but were heartened that the loss to Middlesex wasn’t too damaging as Berkshire gained one point less, bizarrely meaning that in defeat, the County is in better shape to avoid relegation than before the match. However, a trip to League leaders Glamorgan is on the horizon & the county need to focus well for that match. It was a trip to Glamorgan that relegated us from the Premier Division in 1992, the last thing we need now is for the Welsh Dragons to toast us again!

Surrey’s Net Gains

It’s great to see that at the time of writing, Surrey players are included in headline stories on both the PDC & the BDO web-sites in the form of Dave Askew & Apylee Jones.
‘Diamond’ Dave was the subject of the feature article on the PDC site for his electric performance on the first day of the Budweiser UK Open South qualifier where he knocked out both Colin Lloyd & Phil Taylor on a board that was much talked about before the Competition began. Most darts fans would have expected Jaws or The Power to come through the ordeal, but it was Askew who qualified for the Sunday festivities with a blistering performance to emphasize his current good form.
Unfortunately for Dave, he was to fall early on the Sunday, but the points & the prize money are very welcome & may be a sign that he is getting back to the sort of displays that saw him reach two back-to-back World Semi-Finals. As a well-liked and much-respected part of the Surrey darting community, Dave’s resurgence will be warmly received in these parts.
Congratulations also to our darting darling Apylee Jones, who has regained her place in the England side that will contest the British Internationals in Bridlington on April 9th & 10th, as reported on the BDO site this month. Apylee was part of the 2004 England squad that claimed the Title & she is thrilled to be back on the international scene. Her performances month in, month out, for Surrey have been awesome & we wish her the best of luck on her well-deserved inclusion in the England set-up.

Simply Redhead

One of the ways that Comic Relief has suggested as a means of raising money for their worthy causes is for people to dye or spray their hair red, and by appearing ridiculous, thereby raise funds for needy groups in the UK & Africa. Why the fuss? Surrey workhorse & gopher Chris “Pineapple” James had his hair dyed red 6 months ago; he looks ridiculous & didn’t ask a penny for it! (If this gag is printed, £10 will be winging it’s way to Comic Relief courtesy of yours truly hehe)