Would the last to leave, please switch off the lights?

With the new Inter-County Championship campaign fast approaching, Surrey could be facing a player crisis, with as many as 10 top quality players set to be leaving the fold.  Guildford chatterbox Phil Smith quizzed the Committee about the rumours at a packed County AGM recently and, in front of all nine attendees (yes, THAT many!), put it to the team management that the County could be facing a shortage of playing staff in the coming season.  Team Manager Keith Benson fielded the question and replied that he too was concerned, not least because it raised the possibility of Phil himself being elevated to the ‘A’ team, a scenario which drew audible gasps of horror from the assembled masses.  However, Benson was quick to point out that there was always a certain amount of movement in the close season, “players come and players go”, he stated, “but we won’t know the squads until the players sign their registration forms”.  County Chairman Mark McLaughlin also moved quickly to ease people’s fears and when asked exactly how many players were likely to be leaving, replied positively, “I can’t really say”.

However, despite these words of re-assurance, it does seem as if Surrey are in for a long hard season should the anticipated exodus occur, with star performers such as Bob Aldous, Mark Richmond and Tricia Wright expected to be missing.  Also rumoured to be leaving are Andy Nye and Bob Anderson Jnr, both due to transport problems, as well as Mark Thomson, who, inspired by his “Sex Bomb” introduction music, has left to pursue a career as a lap dancer at Spearmint Rhino.  The only certainty at this early stage, though, is that it will be a new look team that will face Yorkshire in the first fixture, especially as there is some promising news about our Mens team personnel.  As I understand it, there is talk of at least three established County players joining Surrey from the surrounding areas this year (needless to say, it would be premature to name names) and for what it’s worth, we’ve still got Graham Hollis … what a comforting thought!

Apathy Rules, OK?

 Although I have made light of the poor AGM turnout above, it is apparent that a very worrying trend is emerging - Surrey players seem to have lost a lot of enthusiasm for the workings of the County.  The 4^th August meeting was just the latest in a long series of meetings at which the Committee outnumbered those wishing to attend, and the situation doesn’t seem to be improving.  The apathy is also evident at the Inter-County matches themselves, with very few volunteers being available to help with the essential jobs required to get the games under way.  This causes massive problems for those that DO make an effort to help, and on at least one occasion, we have come perilously close to having the match abandoned altogether due to lack of stage personnel.  County Secretary Aline Cook is so perplexed by the apparent disinterest that at the County AGM, she was heard to ask meekly “How can we make the County more appealing?” … Answers on a postcard, please!  According to one player, who didn’t wish to be named, the lack of interest in County meetings is because “everyone is very happy with the way things are being run”.  The player, Sharon Cullip, also went on to say “people only turn up to the meetings if they have something to complain about”.  However, while the County can function adequately under the current circumstances, input is always required from County and Super League players alike, and a little more interest would be greatly welcomed.  With this in mind, we are appealing to all those involved in Surrey darts to take an interest in YOUR County and maybe even attend a meeting or two, but above all, to offer your services at the home County weekends.  To volunteer, simply contact any of the Committee members on the day (they will be easily distinguishable by their severely-stressed faces), any contribution, however small, will be much appreciated. 

There’s no ‘i’ in Team

A quartet of avid Surrey Super League players recently gave an object lesson in teamwork to win the Eurodarts Pub and Club Team knockout in sunny Bexhill-on-Sea on Sunday July 14^th.  The four, Aaron and Roy Turner, Lionel Sams and Graham Hollis spent a lovely day eating ice cream on the promenade and skipping hand in hand on the beach before ditching their ‘kiss-me-quick’ hats in time to take home the £700 first prize.  The competition, comprising four singles, four pairs and a 1001 team decider, attracted great interest and a fair few ‘names’, which made the victory all the more sweet for the Surrey day-trippers.  They reached the final by dispatching the “We’re Good and Ready” team of Mick Manning, Alan Caves, Jason Clark and Ian Long in a tense deciding leg before facing Chris Mason, Andy Jenkins, Dennis Smith and Mark Cox, who dubbed themselves “We’re Not Behind Bars Yet” for some strange reason!  At the end of a close match, it was the Surrey team that could sing “Oh I Do like to be beside the seaside” with Graham Hollis hitting the winning double “as the brass band played tiddly om-pom-pom” to justify their team name of “We’re in the Money”.  Congratulations to them, but just a quick note about those team names, We’re This? We’re That? Perhaps they could have chosen “We’re not Very Imaginative”?  

Things NOT to say at Darts: Lesson 1

Things may have gone swimmingly in Bexhill-on-Sea, but the Surrey representatives at the UK Open qualifiers bore more resemblance to drowned rats as they enjoyed little or no success in the PDC event.  Whilst some, who shall remain anonymous, just went down without a whimper, others, such as Redhill starlet Darren Gale (pictured right), failed in hilarious and spectacular fashion.  For those that don’t know Darren, he is a dedicated darter and has followed the PDC circuit for a while now, though without much success.  His darts are supplied by a certain Phil Taylor and his career high point came in December when he featured on Sky Sports’ PDC World Championship coverage. That is to say, Dave Askew mentioned him in his after-match interview (“Thanks to Darren Gale for driving me around” were the exact words, if I recall correctly).  However, give him his due, Darren is nothing if not determined, hence his eager and optimistic participation in the UK Open event.  After having surveyed the first round draw, Darren felt fairly hopeful about his chances and therefore made the cardinal sin of making known his feelings about said draw to his fellow Surrey competitors.  “I think I’ve got the best draw out of all of us” he declared contentedly, before being unceremoniously dumped from proceedings with a 5-0 defeat to Essex ‘A’ player Al Hedman.  So here endeth lesson 1 of what NOT to say at Darts, or put a little more succinctly, ALWAYS engage dart arm BEFORE engaging mouth.  Next week, lesson 2: How to avoid your humiliation appearing in Darts World.  

Escalation of Hostilities

Readers of last month’s Darts World will recall my reporting of the war of words between Surrey men John Ferrell and Lionel Sams, well it seems the hostilities have now been elevated to a new level with the production of John Ferrell’s brand new web-site. www.johnferrell.co.uk went online on the morning of Sunday 4^th August and hidden away amongst the pleas for a sponsor and other such trifling matters, is the assertion by ‘The Joker’ Ferrell that Lionel Sams and wife Caroline are “budgie-killers”!  Far be it from me to try to calm such tit-for-tat insults (I wouldn’t want to anyway, it’s much too enjoyable), but I DID think that this was going too far.  However, the Sams’ saw nothing wrong with expanding the feud to their respective pets and are now, as I write, planning a counter-attack by posting an article casting doubts on the sexuality of Ferrell’s dog, named, predictably enough, Dart.  They base their canine character assassination on the flimsy evidence that Dart likes to wear a pink scarf and sunglasses, well, if that’s all it takes, what are we to make of perfume-wearing County ‘A’ player Graham Smith? Err …don’t answer that!

A ‘New’ Star?

The New Inn in Sutton held the second competition of what they are hoping to make a monthly event on Saturday 3^rd August and this time added a drawn pairs tournament to the day.  Again, Managers Kevin and Shirley (didn’t they do backing vocals for Wham?) reported that it was a huge success, which justified their removing seating to install a fourth board in the small and friendly hostelry.  Pairs Winners were Peter Arnold and Gary Bird, who trousered the £100 guaranteed prize by beating Dave Evans and Neil Robinson 4-2 in the Final, whilst the Singles went to Clive ‘The Mullet’ Guest.  However, surprise of the day was Carl Ramsey, who was narrowly defeated 5-4 in the Final by Clive and looks to be a Surrey star of the future after defeating a minor ‘who’s who’ of the County on his way to the Runner-up spot.  With a trail of casualties including Peter Arnold, Lionel Sams and Dave Evans left in his wake, the powers-that-be on the Committee would do well to take a closer look at this up and coming player as he makes his Winter Super League debut later this year. Remember, you read it here first!